


I'll find what lies Beneath

by doctormambo



Category: Saw (Movies)
Genre: Angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-03
Updated: 2018-05-20
Packaged: 2018-12-23 12:52:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,950
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11990178
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doctormambo/pseuds/doctormambo
Summary: Adam survived. Now he's out in the world and trying to figure out how to get on with everything, but it's a lot harder than he thought it was going to be. He is plagued by the nightmares of going through Jigsaw's game and the only thing he thinks will put him to rest is trying to find out where the Jigsaw legacy leads him.





	1. Not Quite Alive

“Oh, hey, you’re new here, right?” the soft female voice said across the hall.  
“Er. Yeah.”  
“Well, welcome to the apartment block!” she cooed cheerily.  
“Thanks.”  
“If you ever need anything, don’t be a stranger, I’m just across the hall,” she offered, her smile still unwavering.  
“Yeah, thanks, I will,” he forced out with a strained smile.  
“I’m Zoe, by the way…”she trailed off, awaiting his reply.  
“Adam.”  
“Well, it’s nice to meet you Adam, I’ll see you around,” she smiled brightly again before turning and walking into her apartment.  
“Yeah, you too,” he said to absolutely no one.

Adam walked into his apartment and sighed heavily, closing the door behind him. His bag slipped off his shoulder and he let it drop to the floor, simply losing interest in it already. The dark apartment was lit quickly by the light he turned on before making his way over to his sofa. He sat down, breathing in deeply as his eyes slowly slipped shut. As he settled back into the sofa, he could feel his throat drying and tightening; what if someone over heard and knew who he was, or what if that girl was working with him? He just wanted a quiet life, to be left alone and to get passed all of this bullshit in his life, it made him sick remembering all of it.

He buried his head in his hands, rubbing his eyes with the heel of his palm. Maybe he should end it all, it wasn’t like he didn’t have enough alcohol and pain killers to make it all go black. But then wouldn’t that be giving in to what had been his fate? Even though all of that shit had happened to him, he had been given another chance to live, to get along in the world and do something instead of spending the rest of his life being an apathetic asshole. Being that guy was what he was good at, making changes weren’t his strong point. What would even be the point of living this life really? He sighed heavily and tilted his head back, moving his hands away from his face and putting them behind his head.

Two years. Two years of living in horrible, barely habitable places, always looking over his shoulder and panicking that maybe, just maybe, Jigsaw would find another reason to put him in a trap to fight for his life. He didn’t have that fight any more; it wasn’t like he wanted to actively kill himself, but he just couldn’t see himself playing the game to save himself. Maybe he should get help, or at least tell someone what was going on in his mind, but he didn’t want the media circus around him, nor the sinking feeling that this wasn’t over. If people thought he was dead, nothing could bother him.

With a sign of resignation, he got back to his feet and turned out the light. Expertly, he made his way through the dark apartment, straight into the even smaller bedroom. He sat down on the bed with little energy and pulled his socks off, the remnants of the clamp that was around ankle in the form of small white lines. Off came his jeans, throwing them on the small pile in the corner of the room. He then slid off his shirt, throwing that to the pile as well. For a moment, he played with the hem of his tshirt and then finally did it; pulling it off over his head and throwing it aside. No one would ever see the scar, but the bullet wound was still there from a man that promised they would both make it out alive together.

He hated those moments when Lawrence crossed his mind because he just couldn’t face those things again. All the things they went through in those hours they had together and he still didn’t know if he was alive or not. If he was alive; was his life as ruined as his own or had he picked it up and moved on being the best husband and father he could be? Adam didn’t want to think about it any more, so he knocked back two pain killers and a sleeping pill, laid down and waited for sleep to come.

In the blackness, there was finally a little light coming towards him, like a small torch. Muffled footsteps were following it and his body tensed as much as it could. He was famished and weak, barely able to move as he felt the person coming nearing and nearer. The footsteps stopped and the torch was shone near his face.

“Adam, I know you are still alive,” the raspy, familiar voice of John Kramer whispered. “Amanda has been tasked to tidy up this mess and knows my distaste for murder. I give you this warning simply because you’ve proved you have a will to live,” he said softly. “Don’t let her kill you,” he placed a key in the palm of his hand. Then he was gone.

Adam was left, waiting to see what was going to happen to him next. He looked down to his hand with the little light that was left at the key that was placed in it. Was this really how he was going to get out or was it just another sick joke? Then he heard more commotion outside, footsteps and scrabbling to get into the room. A smaller woman stumbled in and Jigsaw’s warning and a bit of instinct kicked in as he laid still, hoping he wouldn’t be bothered.

She placed her hand under his nose. Fuck. She knew he was still alive and he could feel his body tensing again. She sobbed softly as she placed plastic wrap around his face; he had been right to not trust her. At first he panicked, trying to fight her off and getting her off of him, but it wasn’t working, he just wasn’t strong enough. Instinct kicked in and he did the only thing he thought he could do to get out of this situation and played dead.

Amanda pulled away letting the plastic wrap cling to his face while he tried to hold his breath so she wouldn’t think he was still alive. She was still sobbing and whining as she got to her feet and left him in the darkness. How could she be so upset; she had no qualms in trying to kill him, he was the one who had the right to cry and sob. But he couldn’t, he had to get the fuck out of this place. And once she was gone, he felt it safe to actually move again, leaning forward and unlocking the lock that bound him to this room.

He jerked awake. Why didn’t he ever get to have a decent night sleeping? He sighed heavily as he sat up in his bed, the darkness still around him. He rubbed his temples as he tried to decide what to do with his night. He could do something useful, or he could just simply pop a few more sleeping tablets and cross his fingers.


	2. What Comes Next?

The morning broke as the light started to shine through his bedroom window and a deep sigh escaped from between his lips. He still hadn’t slept and it was becoming tedious. Every minute he was awake the ideas of what could have happened or might have happened to him if he hadn’t escaped, and the images of what had become of Lawrence haunted his mind. But whenever he slept, he would wake up in fear. He just didn’t know if he could carry on but he would just because he had nothing else to do.

With no urgency and no aim, he slowly got to his feet and shuffled through the apartment, making his way to the kitchen. He might not have given a shit, but his stomach still grumbled loudly. The sudden change in flooring sent a small shiver through his body and as he made it to the small kitchen. Opening the fridge, a groan echoed throughout the apartment. There was nothing in the fridge which meant that he couldn’t have bacon or an omelette or anything remotely food like. He opened the cupboard and bowed his head.

He needed to get his shit together; a box of cereal was the only thing that was in the cupboard. Great. The only thing that he could eat now is a dry bowl of cereal. It was like someone was playing some sick fucking joke on him. Well, joke was right back at them; he could eat dry cereal if he wanted to. He could go across the hall and ask for some milk, she did say that he could ask her for anything. But no, this was too forward and would take too much effort.

He sat on the sofa with his bowl of cereal and sighed heavily. He took a spoonful in his mouth and chewed awkward, realising that cereal without milk was way too dry to consume. But he had poured it into a bowl and leaving it out would make it go stale and horrible.

He carefully poured the cereal back into the cardboard box with a little roll of the eyes. Why couldn’t one thing go right at all? He slowly moved back to the sofa, trying to figure out what he could do with his time right now. It wasn’t like a dead person could get a job, so he would just sit around and avoid rent and then move onto a new place. Ah, what a life.

A knock at the door made him jump a little just as he was about to sit down. Who would that even be? With caution, he made his way towards the door. Had someone to do with Jigsaw found him, or maybe the police had realised who he was? He got a little closer to the door, almost leaning his head into the door so he could hear if someone was on the other side saying something strange. There wasn’t much noise, maybe he was safe…

“Adam, sorry, Zoe from across the hall, I thought I would bring your mail up as the mail man was down stairs and save you a trip,” she said, her voice wavering with nerves the more she spoke.  
“Oh, thanks, just, uh-” he paused, realising he was close to naked, “give me a minute,” he said as he grabbed a hoodie. He put it on and zipped it up just before opening the door. “Hey,” he said a little awkwardly  
“Hey, sorry, this is totally the wrong time, isn’t it?” she stated a little embarrassed as her eyes slowly shifted to look at the floor.  
“No, it’s fine, honest,” he croaked, forcing a smile. “But thanks, saves me the trip,” his fake smile becoming smaller, but a little more genuine.  
“It’s not problem, it’s what across the hall neighbours are for,” her voice remained cheery despite her eyes still looking down. “But I brought you a newspaper as well,” she finally looked up, smiling brightly.  
“Oh thanks,” he tried to sound polite, but probably came across as a bit sarcastic. He took the mail and paper from her as she held it out and he smiled back at her one more time. “Although the news in this town seems to get more and more depressing,” he said as his eyes saw the word Jigsaw in a headline.  
“If you turn to page thirty one, there’s a great piece that will lift your spirits,” she almost sang, smiling sweetly and finally looking at him.  
“I’ll be sure to read that,” he promised with a little smile.  
There was a small awkward moment where they both looked at each other, not sure what to do next.  
“Well, I’ll let you continue your day, and don’t forget to read the article,” she grinned. “I’ll see you around.”  
“Yeah…” he trailed off as she finally walked away. “See you around,” he almost whispered to himself as he finally closed the door.

With a large exhale of breath, he made his way to the sofa, this time getting to sit down. He rubbed his forehead with his free hand and the placed the mail and paper on the table in front of him. Was she really just being a lovely friendly neighbour or was there something else behind this all? He wished that he could just understand the world without going in it; that people could be upfront and honest without him having to figure out what people wanted from him.

The newspaper looked at him from the table and he decided to give into his curiosity. Even though John Kramer had been found dead and there was no reason for things to carry on, but traps were still being discovered and they weren’t months old, they were fresh. He started to read the article which started to explain about how things were always planned out. It mentioned the discovery of John Kramer and Amanda Young and it speculated what would happen next. Maybe there was something that was set up from day one and he’d hired people to carry out everything. He always seemed to know exactly what was going to happen next, so maybe he knew that he was going to die and he was going to have to do this next.

He shook his head lightly. Bullshit. No one knows when they’re going to die and no one can tell what people are going to do at every moment in their lives. But it is possible to figure out what people have done in the past. He looked up from the article for a moment. There was still someone out there who was doing his bidding, that still thought that Jigsaw was a man that was smart. It was ridiculous and that delusional moron needed to learn the real horrors of being in a trap.

The article carried on speculating about the safety of people in this place being compromised. If he had enough money, he would grab a bus to somewhere else. Maybe he could move to Sacramento, he’d always thought Californian sun could help cheer him up. A complete change in scenery might help him to settle and stop being on edge, it could work. Or maybe he could stay here and stop this epidemic. These people ruined his life, they all sat back and let John Kramer do as he wished simply because they were brainwashed to believe in what he thought the world should be. How could people think he helped? All he did was kill people.

As he finished the article his brain suddenly thought about who could ever be involved with this. He moved to his bag and pulled out a pen and a notepad, opening the notepad and then pulling to top of the pen off with his teeth. He quickly wrote down ‘John Kramer’ and tore the page out. He put the paper on the table and then scrambled for some pins, looking in a few of the cupboards and drawers through out his living room. Grabbing everything he moved back into his bedroom.

He pressed the pin in the wall with the piece of paper behind it, John Kramer was in the centre of all of this. He continued to write things that he knew on pieces of paper and putting them on the wall. The fact that scary black cop with the neck scar had been following Lawrence, but he was now pronounced dead. His partner had died as well, but that was a side note. The other guy in the bathroom was dead as well, so he couldn’t be an accomplice. Amanda Young was involved, but she was also dead now. 

There had been a few cops involved, but they were all dead now. Except one of them. The newspaper provided the name of the survivor and man that had been credited with ending Jigsaw’s attack on the town. Mark Hoffman. His name went up on the wall with a question mark next to his name. The man was the only person left alive that he could see from this map that was still in the limelight of the investigation. Other people who had survived had tried to pull away from the media and tried to live a quiet life, even Daniel Matthews.

Jigsaw’s wife was still alive, and there were so many other names of survivors that could go up on the wall. He worked to make sense of them, pinning then in the most organised way he could, trying to place them in orders and crossing out the people who were dead or at least rumoured to be dead. With a small smirk on his lips he wrote his own name out; Adam Stanheight and carefully crossed it out. Then he wrote “kinda living somewhere as Adam Radford” and placed the paper on the wall next to Doctor Gordon, who was crossed out.

Maybe he should go to the library and see if there were any articles or other pieces he could read, there was that book written by a survivor he could try and check out. This is what he should do with his time, he had the chance to now move on from this shit that had happened to him. He could stop it, make sure that no one else had to feel the feelings that he felt, and maybe he could feel safer in his life. Maybe then he’ll get to sleep without having nightmares and get back to his normal life.


End file.
